Weeks 4: The Muiracles stand alone. The miracle men are the only team to remain undefeated as the Whales and Onion Heads fell this week. Working from the bottom up, the Salmon and Gatsbys won for the first time leaving the Colassals as the only team without a victory. LT led the way for the Muiracles with 15 points in their 31-27 victory over the Onion Heads. The Salmon got 15 from L. Johnson to upset the seas in a 38-22 win over the Whales. The Gatsbys got 13 from AP to defeat Charlie 43-18. The Maroons moved into a tie with the Onion Heads in the Peter Division (which won three of its four games this week) getting 14 points from G. Jennings in a 45-29 crushing of the grapes. The Ducks got past the Colassals 25-19. And the old man taught the young whippersnapper a few things in a 45-28 Wheaties victory over the Thumbs.
Moves: The Colassals took T. Edwards for D. Garrard and Meachem for Patten. The Whales got B. Lloyd and J. Gage for Crayton and Rice. The Salmon is stockpiling D’s with Jacksonville for Houston and San Diego for Reggie Brown. Charlie is getting nervous so he picked up Jervious, Norwood that is, for K. Watson. The Onion Heads love affair with Shockey came to an end as he was dropped for B. Sciafe. The Crushers love their Vikings, and have another with V. Shiacone for LJ Smith.
Many first round picks got it going this week. The toughest pick was Brady who got hurt. LT is rounding into form, and there are no obvious busts at this point. B. Edwards and L. Maroney are probably the most disappointing second round choices, while Coltson, A. Johnson, and C. Palmer have not shown as much as their owners hoped in the third round. Best pick in the fourth are A. Boldin and G. Jennings. Late round gems: 9th: Farve and F. Jones. 13th S. Slayton. Your thoughts?
THE DESALES IRISH hit their stride Friday with a 75-6 win over TRO. Ten turnovers by Tekoe led to short drives and scores all night. Come see the Irish this Saturday at 3. The game is during the Sausage Festival which runs Friday night 5-12, and Saturday 12-12. Enjoy
Oz
16 comments:
Adam
A humbled Charlie has a few thoughts to share with the league:
1. I was talking to a woman who was lamenting the loss of her generations sex symbol (Paul Newman). I pointed out that she had some hope left with the WWSOFFL's own Bob Muir. I'd expect some random love letters Bob, I'm pumping you up out here.
2. Coach Northam should keep his new apostle nearby at all times. That kid is either a sage or a lucky charm. Either way - it's gotta feel good to have like 15 TD's from your QB's alone.
3. Don't let these - oh my weak team must go with these scrubs type lines. If sincere (i.e. not from Team Charlie), it seems to result in total domination. Nice bye week Schmitz. Maybe you should treat every week like a bye week.
4. The chatter from the league could only partially fill a dentists rinse cup (now spit please... no, in the sink). I'm assuming that you all just love me filling the void, so I'll continue to do my part until I get some help. That's the kind of guy I am.
That is all - back so SNF. Just keeping it real.
- Charlie Don't Surf, or win this week.
Oz
Adam has been keeping up the chatter and we have all let him down by not
helping. Yet, when you are 0-3, it is hard to chirp. I am going to follow
Adam's advice and act like I have half of my starters on bye each week. It
is better than my draft.
I do hope you watched the whole game Washington win over Dallas, Ben. Great
football for a Giants bye week. Hey any of you Seahawk fans want to bet on
this week's game.
By the way Ben, your bye pickup was better than O'Sullivan.
So maybe Aaron Rodgers is not yet ready for Canton.
I think Tim Russert is smiling in heaven but I wonder what deal he made up
there on behalf of his Buffalo Bills.
Salmon
I concur with the Commish that it's hard to talk smack (unless one were,
say, McCain or Sarah Quaylin) when one's record is abysmal. But now
that the Salmon may have locked up their first victory, I'm feeling a
little more optimistic about the Salmon prospects for the year. So
there will be smack-downs coming...when the Salmon get another victory
under its belt.
As for Dave's comment about the Cowboys...yes, I watched in horror. But
it's better to lose now than later in the season and, despite Dave's
chirping about the G-men, I suspect they will have a rough road ahead
(if only Dallas could have played the Redskins of Week 1 when they were
sucking ass enough to let the Giants eke out a victory).
A final note: I don't know who this new Jeff Northam is, but I sure
liked the old Jeff/Onionheads when it was a gimme (like playing the
Falcons or Lions).
Onionhead
Well let me say that is helps to draft sober. Also helps that I suckered Matt into helping with the team. He was at commencement and heard the Pres say he wouldn't fail at Whitman. Since he can't fail he spends all his time checking stats, checking injuries, match-up etc. Plus I told him we finish in the toilet bowl he wouldn't get any playing time this spring.
Jeff
Gabbard
Gentlemen,
Working the 12 Steps to a winning team, are you? It is just that kind of false blame that gives intemperant behavior a bad name. Remember, Hawkeye from MASH taught us all the proper response to "Do you drink?" His answer: "Only to excess".
Whales
When Oregon State took it to USC last Thursday us 3-0 folk should have known something was up. When the puny fish took it to the mighty large aquatic mammals it was confirmed . Way to go Benjamin, L. Johnson finally broke out of his funk, good QB pickup.
Gabbard
Salmon
Since nobody else is chiming in, I'll say it. It's hard to believe that Charlie will be 2-2. Based on the various emails, one might think he was undefeated and the rest of the season was a formality. But I suppose that is what our society has come to. Which is sad. As for Charlie's offers of "help," well, if you buy that, I have some credit default swaps to sell you...and boy, are they good deals (fully backed by the U.S. Government).
OZ
So true Benjamin. Adam should go back to what he knows.I miss his long emails on the virtues of Macs over PCs. After a chick fight, nothing is more fun to watch then a nerd fight over computers.
Charlie
I'll break it down for you into the nice small bits that the Salmon need to digest:
* I also find it hard to believe I'll be sitting at 2-2. So we agree. I'm not used to losing, so it has yet to taint my chatter. Nor will it.
* In terms of the various emails from Charlie, I would suggest one looks at league history opposed to current record. Team Charlie is not only the current World Champion, but coach Adam has lead the franchise that can claim the most titles - EVER. We are talking Walsh type stats. You can stick with your Matt Millen type newsflashes if that's your preference.
* There was no 'offer' of help - so I'm cornfused. I was 'requesting' help, and from what I see it does in fact resemble the deals you are throwing out. (emphasis provided for the reading challenged)
Good to have an end to the radio silence. I was thinking WWIII was underway and we didn't want the bad guys to intercept our communications. This is the league I know and love. Welcome back.
OZ
For the record, the Gatsbys have won three league titles. Charlie needs to
be accurate. It is nice to have someone else in this elite company.
Oz
Salmon
And the Salmon have won two titles (the third is probably coming this
year...don't be fooled by the 1-3 start). So let's not get too cocky.
Charlie
Yeah, I was aware of this fact. 'Been watching the debates too much and their way of talking about facts rubbed off on me a bit.
I was going to say "Parcells" type stats, but figured that was reserved for you NJ types. Can't we both have the most? Yes, slightly misleading. You'll see the correction in next weeks editorial pages - deep on page 7 someplace.
Being on top as I am, I'm so used to looking down that I forgot to glance across. I'll have to admit I've learned my trade by watching you over the years, so next time I'll be certain to make accurate statements when discussing league history.
But I'm still the Champ baby! And proud to have joined you in the club.
Crushers
Draft Sober! That's a great idea. I would be thinking clearer, mental processing would be at peak level, and I might be able to read my hand writing from round 7 on. I might try that next year. But probably not.
Charlie
That's the spirit! The thing about elite groups like ours: if it was
easy, it wouldn't be very elite. Come join us Salmon, but Dave and I
are gunning to create a new, smaller elite group of 1.
Charlie
Let's please stop this 'no beer' crazy talk. Blasphemy like that is flat out not acceptable. Won't someone think of the children? Like it or not we are role models. (I thought we had a keg at the draft btw... did Clint spend it all on linens and drapery again?)
Ok - since we have a new guy I figured I'd write up some cliff notes on each Coach/GM/Owner to help him feel welcome. These are in no particular order and possibly slightly tainted towards one point of view:
Coach Gomsrud-The Maroons. We'll start with the new guy - quiet, gullible, but man can he cook. The 25 year old liquor was a nice touch! I'm thinking some of us could have used a few more shots, me included. Don't let the football knowledge you witnessed break your spirits, let that come from hitting the toilet bowl year after year. Welcome young padawan. { http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi#Jedi_ranks }
Coach Lenhart-Jammin’ Salmon. Here is the ultimate classic example of fantasy football. He's got the fantasy part down pat, the football... well that is more show than substance. A 2 time champion, he has proven how well one can ride a draft until the end. Trash talking comes natural, a poke here and a prod there keeps him entertained, mostly when directed at team Gabbardinia who really did deserve it. Shows a slight complex when compared to Charlie Don't Surf, his idol and role model. But we can't fault him for that, it's natural to gravitate towards greatness.
Coach Northam-Onion Heads. A great drafter, at least in terms of entertainment. Once free from the wee ones, he cuts loose and has a great time taking advantage of his 4 minutes of center stage for each pick. Through foggy vision and slurred speech, he deftly selects last years sleepers who unfortunately are still mostly asleep. Cursed by low draft picks, he makes due where most men would simply break down and cry. Lovable, in that same way we all like the little woodsland creatures that normally end up flat on a truck tire. Always preaching for the bits and bytes that should be the future, he gives all of his free time towards documenting our league history online.
Coach Detman-Little Thumbs. Here is, by all accounts, the most loyal Colorado Buffalo there ever was - yet he went to Whitman. Go figure. Always using his top picks to astound and amaze the masses, he leaves the rest of us to grab the players who will actually score. Proof that even a blind pig can find a kernel of acorn, his one season of victory gave all of those who are just starting out, just learning something new, the hope that they too can back their way into the winners circle and pop that cork. Once, when green at this ffootball, he claimed his backup kicker could score more points than a highly ranked RB. Snap - oh no you did'nt.
Glenn-Wheat Eaters. Mostly known as the 'Chief', he finds a way every season to keep his loyalty clear, and his L column well populated. Known for spitting out *$%#@ phrases that make him seem like a New Jersey garbage man - he keeps the entertainment loud and in your face. The longer the draft goes on, the better the phrases become. One glorious year he almost reached the pinnacle - but not everyone can win the toilet bowl so keep the chin up Dave. Next year looks promising - and you look so good in red.
Coach Schmitz-Great Gatsbys. What can one say about our lovable Oz. He's a rock, a leader, and a role model for many. Unfortunately, we don't have very many in our league so he's still looking for a flock to lead onward. Deft at the pickup, and loyal to his Gmen, he uses the draft to make a point. The point being that he's better at defining talent in-season more than pre. As a league founder and most likely going to the hall of fame, his knowledge should be trusted and his sage advice sought. It must be good to be the king.
Coach Buchwald-Charlie Don’t Surf. How does one sum up greatness with only a paragraph for a bio. He's rude, he's crude, and talks in the 3rd person. He's like that sneeze you want to go away yet miss when it's gone. It wouldn't be so annoying if he didn't win so freakin' much. A tactical stratigician, deft at both draft and pickups, his knowledge is highly sought and freely given. A man among boys, he still is willing to lay it on the line and make every week count. He is the Alpha and the Omega... at least until someone cleaned up the Whitman Wikipedia page.
Coach's Brian and Clint Gabbard-Colassals. Where to begin? Let's start with the mind melding brothers who are always looking at the next halfback that Skeletor will anoint as starter. Everyone looks like the next TD to these guys. The back room conversations, whispering during the draft, and bold (read: loud) picks simply make the WWSOFFL draft what it is. A joke. During the season, the barbs fly with wit, charm, and self-deprecating humor. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, it doesn't seem to taint the spirits year after year. You go bro's - next year looks very promising. You'll always have that one year where you scored a ton, and won none.
Coach Gunsul-Whales. The large aquatic mammal - who actually resembles human form - is also known as the Ed McMahon of the league. Not one to start a zinger, he's always willing to throw in his 'ahhh, ha... YES' comments when a good topic comes up. Probably the most photographed man in league history - due to his charming smile and constant Whitman magazine photo shoots, he is still working on getting up the nerve to finally wear some team colors and show the world that he is indeed a part of the esteemed WWSOFFL. His consistency is remarkable, always seeming to finish right near the middle of the charts every single year. That my friends, is a sign of talent. Don't try this at home kids, he's a professional.
Coach Muir-Muiracles. After taking over the team from his son, and turning around the franchise to one that sparks fear in any owner - he has shown what one can do with the first pick in the draft every year. I don't know who he pays off, but he's sure got an in with the selection committee. Drafting style resembles weekly playing style - calm, collected, silent, and brooding. Then - (wait for it... wait for it...) BAM he lays out the sweetest selection one could dream of. One day, please one day, he will prove good people can in fact come out in first place. There is always tomorrow for the Muiracles.
Coach Tobin-Dark Wing Ducks. The most lovable hermit you'll ever meet. When he comes down from the hills and dons regular clothing - most quake knowing his presence will soon be felt (or smelt, depending on seating arrangements). Ever the optimist, he can't help bringing a smile to everyone in the room. Mostly the smiles are due to overreaching rookie draft picks. With a beard like Santa - and that same twinkle in his eyes - he really does bring joy to all the girls and boys 'round the world. Unfortunately the police stopped him one day to take a peek in that bag of his. Ever the Duck fan - one day his team will win it all. His college team that is.
Coach Crawford-Grape Crushers of Wrath. With such a dorky team name, one would think the rest of the organization would follow suit. And they'd be spot on. PC is willing to chime in once the fray has started. Sort of like the guy who gets that last kick in when everyone is already beaten down - and then goes out for beers and high fives to talk about the a$$ kicking. His drafting style comes straight from the April edition of fantasy football magazine (any brand, it really doesn't matter). But we welcome him with open arms, and willingly take his hard earned money. Talk of the town is how happy he is to have Gummy in the league so he can shed his whipping boy status. Good old Gummy Joe - where would you be without old chopper there. (So we'll march day and night by the big cooling tower, they have the plan but we have the power)
That's it folks. Print it, make a poster, and hang it on your bedroom wall. This is pure gold provided for free. Someday you can hand it down to your grandchildren.
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